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so you see that flickering light and a waving hand. but as you walk closer, they all diminished. like nothing good will land upon you again.
yet, not everything is in your hands. sometimes luck does play a part. a huge one. since when is good just plain average. since when does all the hardwork fail to get recognised. since when has one doubt, at the end of the day, the purpose of working so hard. there isn't even a sense of regret, because you have already done your best and you can't push the blame on anyone else. no one deserves that, whether this is really true or not.
you know the feeling when there's something that you want so bad. real bad. expectations are escalating high and you can't afford let anyone down, including yourself. but what you can do are mope, pray and wait, and let the cycle repeat itself over and over again, so much so that you have practically forgotten how long it has been since the first time you started doing that.